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by The Jester

Sexual Chocolate aka Steve Hitchens

The filmmaker who kindly made all of the promotional videos for the convention with many of the speakers finally takes center stage and gets the ball rolling for day 2.

As a guy who “grew up shy”, Steve uprightly admits to building his “models of romance” from television, movies, and pop culture. Like many, he had to instinctively develop it on his own through observation and trial & error. Even the loss of his virginity at age 16 apparently resulted from a friend’s help.

At age 18, Steve moved to the Orange County in Southern California where he was “a dancer on a local TV show.” During this phase he was “dating 6 girls at one time.” However, since this preceded his involvement in game, when the inevitable dry spell hit, he couldn’t rebound because he “didn’t know how to approach correctly.”

Upon discovering the Seduction Community, he gradually advanced until he was doing “approach coaching for Mystery Method, Mehow, and The Asian Playboy.” He also did some work with Hypnotica.

ATTENDEE: “Is there any sign not to approach?”
STEVE: “Dude… you’re a man. There’s no such thing. You’re in this world to fuck and reproduce.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at the blunt honesty and accuracy of the speaker’s response. After all, questions like that are flawed to begin with. They’re just requests to justify hesitation.

In his slideshow, Steve shares the details of daygame.

PROS OF DAYGAME:

  • No waiting in lines, no drunk girls, no cockblockers
  • You don’t need all the routines and stories
  • It feels more natural
  • Looks matter less
  • It requires less energy
  • An average guy can get double the results with half the energy of night game
  • Less women turn out to be flakes, as long as you insta-date (go on instant dates)
  • Most hot women don’t go to bars and clubs

In addition to the advantageous reasons Steve listed, one can’t overlook the importance of learning to approach women without depending on the notorious liquid confidence countless guys find themselves depending upon. Even then, if you’re an awkward or creepy person with a few drinks in your system, you’re bound to face them when sober too.

CONS OF DAYGAME:

  • Not as many women to talk to
  • More effort to overcome feelings of social pressure

STEPS OF DAYGAME:

  1. Get her attention (“Any man who can get that his desire is not an imposition on a woman, and a woman’s response to his desire is not an evaluation of him, a lot of things become possible for a man.”)
    – Yad Stop (run up aside and stop in front of her)
    Ex: “Excuse me, I need to tell you something…”
    -Social Obligation
    Ex: “…where’d you get those shoes? Just kidding, I thought you were cute.”
    -The Compliment
    Be specific, acknowledge something that you noticed (her energy, style, the way she walks, etc.)
  2. Create attraction
    -Teasing
    -Pull-push
    Pull her in with a compliment, push her out with a tease
    -Challenging
    -Future projections
    -Knowledge
    -Flattery
  3. Establish Rapport
  4. Seduction

MISTAKES GUYS MAKE:

  1. Failing to fix inner game
    When you’re talking about habits and beliefs so far into the subconscious that they date back to childhood, one can only benefit from going through this change. It’s arguably the longest-lasting self-improvement for most men in the community, yet when done correctly it can yield the highest rewards.
  2. They don’t fail enough
    During the days I’d host events in Hollywood, I lost count of how many grown men would attend once, open one set, get rejected, and then vanish never to be seen again. Did the women who rejected them pull out a machete and cut off their dick? No. Did a muscular, jealous boyfriend suddenly appear and break his skull in a fury of roid-rage? No. Your life can be shaped around either the pursuit of happiness, or the conformity to fear. You choose.
  3. Shitty openers
  4. They fail to stop the girl
  5. Too much flash or high energy
  6. They run out of things to say
    Remember, this isn’t a skill one must only practice with women. Before you can keep a beautiful woman interested in what you have to say, you should be able to accomplish the same thing with family and friends.
  7. They eject too early
  8. They don’t flip the script and set a qualifying frame (rather, they become “yes” men)
    This is where it benefits to mix in teasing, qualifying, and challenging. Those labeled as stereotypical “nice guys” often agree with whatever comes out of the woman’s mouth because they want her to like them, and that can often be the death of the interaction. Remember it’s okay, as Steve put it, to have a “skeptical tone and body language.”
    “It’s a god thing. Don’t raise your pitch in order to show over-approval of her words.”
  9. They don’t go on an insta-date
  10. They don’t make a romantic and sexual connection

The message is still blurry to some because one audience member asks the speaker about women who “don’t like being approached.” Steve patiently reiterates how we “shouldn’t apologize for being a man and wanting a woman.”

Some women are approached by douchebags, but I personally have used the failures of other guys to engage a woman the right way. The sooner you let go of this concept of a perfect time to approach, the sooner you’ll start feeling comfortable with basic conversations.

The clock runs out so Steve mentions his websites and things move right along.
 

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This is a re-post of a great article by Krauser PUA.  It explains the difference between what game was like my late teens and 20s and how it is now.

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by Krauser PUA

You are either the chooser or the chosen. This holds in life generally and also in any given interaction with a girl.

  • Chosen: Girl already fancies you and quite likely has already decided to sleep with you before you’ve even initiated the interaction.
  • Chooser: Girl doesn’t know or care about you until you make her want to sleep with you by running tight game.

So much of the apparently contradictory advice in the community straightens itself once you ask yourself “Is this Game tip for choosers or the chosen?” Let me give you some examples. My friend “Mark” is a 25 year old tall muscular good-looking guy. He’s so good-looking that he does lots of catwalk shows as a male model. He’s had a few amateur boxing bouts so he’s no Hollister Fag either, he has functional muscularity. His Game is quite simple…. dress cool and walk into a nightclub. Stand around with a chill vibe scanning the crowd, waiting for the horny girls to IOI him. Then he walks over with a cocky smile and rapid escalates each girl in turn to filter out the timewasters and figure out which girl he’s leaving with for an SNL. This works well because he’s The Chosen. There was no attraction phase.

Conversely consider another friend, Tom Torero “Bob”. He’s a 34 year old teacher of average looks and physique. His game is to hit the streets and build good vibe, usually getting a bunch of blowouts as he’s warming up until some girls hook. Then he runs the model to build attraction with teasing and challenging, rapport as a street intellectual, then takes a number. After a handful of numbers he sees what comes through the funnel and sets up a Day 2. This works well because he’s The Chooser.

It should be pretty clear that both guys are playing to their strengths and doing what they have to do to make it work. Mark isn’t much of a talker and he doesn’t need to be. Tom Bob isn’t much of a looker and he doesn’t need to be. They are not playing the same game. Let’s break it down further.

The Chosen is any guy who is pre-selected before he opens the girl. The top DJ who has a line of girls waiting for the afterparty, the pro wrestler with his adoring ring rats, the NBA star with his girl in every franchise city, the small-time Indie band bassist with name recognition with the local hipster crowd, the cool party guy at the university hall of residence, the well-connected fashion photographer…. these are all The Chosen. Some are chosen because of their looks, some for their social status, some for their role as gatekeeper to scarce rewards but ALL are able to get laid without Game. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Game isn’t the only way to get laid.

Chosen One Game is by far the more efficient, assuming you enjoy the lifestyle and work required to build the little eco-system upon which it relies. Consider the rock guitarist at his concert. There may be 500 fans in the audience of whom 250 are females under thirty. Of those 250, perhaps 200 are in relationships they are happy with or simply don’t fancy him. Of the 50 who are available and fancy him, maybe only 20 are hot. Of those 20 maybe 5 are horny and slutty.

A comprehensive filtering mechanism has taken place before the rock guitarist has even looked at the girls.

Those 5 horny and slutty girls will come and find him. They’ll eye him up from the crowd and then hang around backstage waiting for him to notice them. It’s only at this point that he begins the interaction. It’s the warmest of possible opens because the only girls who enter his field of vision are girls who have already passed every filter:

  • Fancies him
  • Available
  • Up for it
  • Logistically convenient

Consider this screening mechanism for my friend Mark in a nightclub. He isn’t working an environment quite so favourable (he has competition from other men, cockblocks, crappier logistics, less pre-selection) but most of those conditions are at least partially met. So long as he is alive to the IOIs he’ll naturally filter his interactions so he only needs to open single horny girls who already fancy him.

Now let’s consider The Chooser game.

When Tom Bob hits the streets the girls are unfiltered. They are just normal girls engrossed in their normal daily activities. There is no natural filter so he must apply his own. Look for the girls who are walking solo, or looking dreamy, or dressed to indicate horniness. Look for isolated girls such as tourists. Ultimately there’s no reliable filter except opening itself – flip the stone and see if she’s a Yes, Maybe or No girl. Most of the girls will be filtered out at this point by not hooking, indicating they aren’t available or aren’t into him. Of those remaining there may be mild interest which can be amplified by tight game. Sometimes a girl is so hot you aren’t filtering her at all – you are putting out your best possible game and just hoping she likes it.

Chooser game is incredibly inefficient. But if you’re not The Chosen you have to become The Chooser. Or else you don’t get laid much.

I think of Chooser game like putting together an offensive drive in American Football. It’s a series of plays designed to move the ball down the field / move the girl along the courtship ritual. At every step her instinct is a defensive line. The rule of nature is the male intitiates and pushes while the women reacts and resists until she’s finally overcome. The male needs to create something out of nothing whereas the female can simple break up the plays and swat the ball out of the air. The Chooser needs Game.

In contrast The Chosen is in the “hot girl position”. The female is trying to make a play on him. This is why Chosen game can be aloof and full of assholery. You can barely invest and just let her chase because the script was flipped before you said hello. The Chooser begins from zero. He must first establish a beach head (the opener) and funnel his value through as quickly as possible (the assumption stack) until he has an anchor in the interaction. It’s only after this he can start to flip the script and become The Chosen.

Chosen:
+Easy. High lay count. Almost entirely positive responses.
– Doesn’t travel outside the eco-system. By definition your value is higher than the girl’s. Girls are banging the image of you rather than you. Not possible for most men.

Chooser:
+ Travels everywhere. Choice. Quality. Authentic connection.
– Inefficient. Hard work. Flakes. LMR. Mostly negative responses (too many for most men to stick with it).

I don’t recommend one over the other, just be aware which path is being addressed when you hear pick-up advice. Realistically you can do both at the same time. When a website is telling you to get jacked to improve the raw attractiveness of your physique that’s Chosen game. When you’re scoring a table behind the DJ in a status-whore club that’s Chosen game. When you’re using social skills to move a girl’s emotions that’s Chooser game.

Even in daygame you get both paths. Most of the time you are in Chooser mode but occasionally a girl simply IOIs you – when you jump on that it’s Chosen game. Don’t waste your time building attraction and winning her over because you already have an immediate hook. Instead you can screen hard and escalate fast.
 

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Jul
15

Best First-Date Moves For Men

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By Bob Strauss

First Date TipsAs you’ve probably discovered by now, men and women have very different concepts of what makes for a successful first date. If you’re male, just making it to the end of of the first one means you’ve practically scored date #2 already; women, however, tend to pay more attention to complicated stuff like courtesy, conversation, and charisma. To get some insight into the female perspective, we convened a roundtable of single, successful women and asked them to tell us the truth.

Our panel:
Moira, 27, junior account executive
Jessie, 27, sales coordinator
Kelsey, 32, non-profit fundraiser
Helen, 28, medical assistant
Rachel, 30, accountant
Laura, 33, assistant account executive

Q: OK, that man you gave your contact info to — whether online or at a party, or another place entirely — has just met you for your first official date. What’s the first thing you notice?

Moira: How mature or immature he is. One guy I met didn’t even know how to go out on a date — as in, how to ask me out, or what to say during the date. He wasn’t an initiator, and he seemed very young in that regard — he reminded me of my little brother.

Jessie: A little cockiness helps. If a guy talks too much out of nervousness or if his voice cracks, that’s a turn-off. C’mon, it’s just a date!

Kelsey: It’s important for a man to treat people well. If he’s really disrespectful, that’s a turn-off. I once dated a guy who was impatient in restaurants and actually snapped his fingers to get service.

Helen: How confident he is. That really comes through.

Q: What do you mean by “confident,” ladies?

Rachel: Confidence means someone who’s OK with himself entirely — his looks, his personality, and his background. If you’re confident, you’re talkative, and women like a man who can be a smooth talker. A date either has to be relaxed and confident, or he has to be good at faking it.

Q: Does that have anything to do with what he does for a living?

Kelsey: No. Don’t ever name-drop where you work to impress a woman. Don’t just throw stuff out; wait until she asks you first. That stuff doesn’t matter as much as men think it does when it comes to making date-night conversation.

Laura: But what if you live with your parents?

Kelsey: That’s a huge thing in New York City (which is where I currently live), how much you earn. The expectations are much higher, and that’s just sad. I was never like this until I moved here and started dating.

Laura: But it’s not just resources, it’s ambition and potential, too. If he is working as a bartender, maybe it’s what he’s doing now, like “I’m bartending because I’m putting myself through law school.”

Moira: Not even a rich man is impressive to me if he doesn’t also have ambition.

Q: Does it matter where a man takes you? Or whether he pays for the date?

Kelsey: Paying for the meal is a must. On the first date, never let the woman pay. If you’re not willing to pay her way on a date, don’t ask her out in the first place. But it’s nice if she offers to pay for, say, parking — even though I think we don’t want you to really take us up on that offer!

Moira: Whether or not he pays for my part of the bill shows how the relationship will go if we keep seeing each other. I hate it when a guy’s like, “Why don’t we split this check?” College students are like that, and I am not trying to re-live those days.

Q: And the restaurant choice: Does it make a big difference to you?

Jessie: It depends on what type of date you’re having — if you’ve met each other initially in a casual atmosphere, going to a casual restaurant together is fine.

Rachel: I had a man take me to a five-star restaurant on our third date — I was like, you don’t take someone here this soon!

Kelsey: It’s also down to how he behaves in the restaurant. If you don’t open a door, you don’t know how to be a gentleman. Show concern. Pace yourself with drinking so you avoid embarrassing yourself.

Rachel: Oh, and if you pick her up in your car, make sure that it is clean before you arrive. If you don’t want to clean it up a little, ask her to meet you there instead.

Q: What about his behavior during the date?

Kelsey: If a guy’s not going to go out of his way to focus on you for the night, that’s a deal-breaker. I expect to be the center of attention. It’s like going to a job interview, except both people are nervous.

Moira: Touching is always a good sign — for me, it’s huge. Just a little touch on the wrist, that kind of thing. Not groping! And little compliments make a difference.

Kelsey: Whatever you do, don’t ever compare this date to your last date. That’s when you know someone has baggage. On the other hand, it is important to hear about past relationships, because that tells you what kind of man he is in general.

Q: OK, so the man doesn’t meet your standards on your first date together. What do you do next?

Moira: Phase it out. Let it die. After two or three dates, you don’t owe him an explanation. After a year, maybe you can tell him the truth if you have mutual friends.

Kelsey: You have to make excuses sometimes.

Rachel: I’ll say, “I don’t want a boyfriend right now,” which is true. I don’t want him as a boyfriend, but keeping it general — I hope, anyway — will be less hurtful than saying, “I don’t want to date you.”
 

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